An Elementary School Teacher in the Show Me State

I’ve had a rough week.  I’ve cried in front of my students twice this week.  I’m feeling like I’m on the verge of being fired, like the administration is getting their ducks in a row in order to fire me.  What is even more eerie is that when I say things like “Am I going to get fired over this?” they just look at me and change the subject. 

The thing that makes it so odd is that some of the problems that they are having with me, such as not following the curriculum, are things that I truly thought were not required.  If there was a problem, why didn’t somebody mention it any sooner when I have turned in the last 8 weeks worth of lesson plans?  Why did my team tell me that they were not following it as well.  Why am I the only person in hot water when my entire team was also not following the textbook?  If my grades were not being done correctly, they why did I not hear about it until a phone call 2 days before the marking period is over?  I’ve been entering grades all year, I’ve been turning in my gradebook every week. 

I was called yesterday morning and told that I needed to have every assignment from the semester turned in by the end of the day so this one little girl who is failing could have a chance to make it up.  I panicked, how could I accomplish that?  Especially considering that a lot of my things are on my computer at home.  My academy director (assistant principal) told me that she didn’t understand why it would be a problem for me.  Forget the fact that I had students all day that needed instruction.   

Today we were told to expect visitors to our school.  What kind of visitors?  The CEO and founder of the multinational charter school conglomerate that I work for was expected to be in OUR school.  As a new teacher, I was a bit intimidated at the thought of being critiqued by people that created an educational system consisting of 1,000 schools.  Of course, the chances were slim that he would stop in MY classroom of all places.  I did, however, prepare my students as best I could, telling them that special visitors might come to see US working.  We all had to be doing our best to make sure that we impressed them.  I described the position of CEO as best I could to 8 year olds…he is the boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss.  Whoa! 

Well, as luck would have it, the CEO and founder did not stop by, instead I got a visit from a man named Terry.  Who’s Terry?  I didn’t know, but I shook his hand after my student, C.S. welcomed him to our classroom.  I got home and googled him.  Turns out it was this Terry:  http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/09-27-2004/0002259596&EDATE= The Chief Operating Officer.  Not too shabby.  Was I shaking when he came in, you betcha.  But he didn’t stay for long and my students managed to control themselves. 

Then, if that isn’t enough, I had my State Senator, State Representative and the Speaker of the Missouri House come to see my classroom as well.  (Which my student hilariously described as “Two white guys and a black guy with a vest”)  This visit, while surprising, caused much less pressure as they are not even indirectly responsible for my job. 

All in a day’s work, I suppose. 

Oh, and I had another teacher ask me if I was quitting in January.  Whaaat? 

Let’s just say that my day began with not one, but two third graders peeing their pants in my reading class this morning.  (And it was not because they couldn’t hold it as evidence by their laughter after the fact and uncanny timing, both peeing within seconds of each other.)  My day ended with me crying for nearly 2 hours straight at the end of the day, in front of my students while trying to do instruction.  They were, however, very sweet.  I take back all the mean things I said the first week of school, my students are truly the most caring, well meaning 8 year olds that I know.

Now, in the middle I got a stern talking to from my assistant principal who says that my instruction must be inadequate if my class average is not 70% on all grade level objectives.  Never mind that many of my students are still sruggling with a concept of place value, adding 1 digit + 1 digit numbers, subtracting, etc.  I have 7 students who cannot read, and all but 6 are not on grade level in reading.  Soooo….apparently I am supposed to be a magician to get those grades. 

Okay, so I have a paper due for grad school in a few hours and rather than finishing it I am posting on my blog.  I am such a procrastinator.  I am revelling in the joy of yet ANOTHER 4 day work week.  Ahhh, how will I ever adjust back to a 5 day week?  I mean, I’ll be working for 5 days, but I will only actually see students for 4.  What a happy thought.  At risk of being forced to eat my words, I am finally starting to feel like I have some things under control.  Or at least more under control than a few months ago.  I feel like I’m developing a groove, the work is getting done faster.  I’m enjoying my students slightly more, even though I had to stop instruction many times today due to excessive talking.  I know that I’m not the WORST teacher on my team, and my lead teacher does not seem very worried about me…or at least he hides it well if he does.  I’m still spending nearly every waking minute doing something teaching related, or procrastinating about something teaching related, or thinking about what I really should be doing that is teaching related rather than enjoying my time spent, eating out, shopping, going to the St. Louis Arch, etc.  I am still averaging about 90 hours a week.  It is crazy and depressing to realize that my pay averages out to about $6.25 an hour.  Haha, I miss those 40 hour work weeks where the job pretty much ended when you left work…except for those few on call evenings or weekends.   I think that being a lawyer and working the 60 hour weeks that they always complain about would be a cakewalk compared to teaching.  And at least as a lawyer you don’t have to deal with temper tantrums, children beating up their peers and being completely unappreciated and ignored by parents and students.

Oh well, back to the old paper. 

Recess has been cancelled until further notice.  Fun times in STL, that’s for sure! 

Now how do I fill up an extra 20 minutes a day?  I think I’ll teach cursive. 

I applied to TFA to be a teacher.  I assumed my job responsibilities would be teaching students thing they need to know.  I assumed that parents would be concerned about their children’s academics above all.  I did not think that I was supposed to be a babysitter, a referee, a police officer, a body guard, a child psychologist, etc.  I am not going to elaborate much farther as there is the possibility of a lawsuit. 

I just don’t know how I am supposed to be 8 different people and work 24 hours a day.  How am I supposed to see everything that happens between 25 little people?  Parents refuse to return calls when their 10 year old child is still in 3rd grade and still can’t read, write or add 3+4 and I want to help work with them to bridge that achievement gap…but as soon as some playground teasing occurs they are down at the school complaining about me to the principal.  The thing that gets under my skin more than anything is that the parents keep saying that “Ms. D doesn’t care” when NOTHING is farther from the truth.  If I didn’t care, why would I be working close to 100 hours a week to do this job right?  Do they not think I am a human with feelings?  It is positively the most disenheartening experience of my life. 

My husband says that of course I am doing the right thing and that I have been doing all that I can.  I still can’t get rid of the nagging feeling that if that were entirely true then WHY can’t the parents see that?  Why am I feeling under the microscope? 

I went to the doctor yesterday and I have bronchitis.  (Thankfully not pnemonia, although I feel like I might as well have it.)  I have some antibiotics which may or may not help (so far not helping) and lets hope my voice comes back soon!